{"id":168,"date":"2026-06-25T20:42:21","date_gmt":"2026-06-25T20:42:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/summitrelocationtimess.com\/?p=168"},"modified":"2026-06-25T20:42:21","modified_gmt":"2026-06-25T20:42:21","slug":"fascists-dont-know-how-to-party","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/summitrelocationtimess.com\/?p=168","title":{"rendered":"Fascists Don’t Know How to Party"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201c<\/span>Are you all ready for the most epic party in all of American history?\u201d asked Monica Crowley, the U.S. government\u2019s protocol chief, from a\u00a0podium on a\u00a0towering stage set gracelessly in the middle of the National Mall in Washington, D.C.<\/p>\n

Read more Will NYC\u2019s Long-Suffering Tenants Carry Zohran Mamdani to Victory?<\/a><\/p>\n

Hell\u2009\u2014\u2009we sure are. Better than Mardi Gras? Better than Woodstock? Better than the Boston Tea Party, Burning Man, or Freaknik? Sounds good. America has had a\u00a0tough few years. We\u2019ve made it to our 250<\/span>th<\/sup> anniversary. We deserve a\u00a0reward. We are ready to\u00a0party.<\/p>\n

But from whence shall our party come? Taking in the scene in downtown Washington on June 24<\/span>, it was clear that the most epic party in U.S. history is not going to come from the people who have arranged a\u00a0portion of the Mall into a\u00a0heavily militarized version of Epcot. This, the formal kickoff for the \u200b\u201c<\/span>Great American State Fair,\u201d which will celebrate America\u2019s wasted stumble through its first quarter-millennium, was less of a\u00a0party than a\u00a0symbolic embodiment of the presently dominant vision of our nation as Shit Disneyland\u2009\u2014\u2009a fake place that you have to stand in line for a\u00a0long time to get in, even though you don\u2019t really want to be\u00a0there.<\/p>\n

One of the only nice things about downtown Washington, D.C. is the fact that anyone can stroll freely through the Mall. Now that\u2019s been ended. To celebrate America, security fencing has been erected and entry is restricted to a\u00a0couple of access points that are manned by heavily armed National Guard, Metro Police, Park Police, Capitol Police, U.S. Marshals, Secret Service, TSA, and anyone else capable of carrying a\u00a0gun and doing seemingly nothing at all. All of this to access a\u00a0space that consists of: sod. The grass is nice. Unbroken by a\u00a0single tree, its greenness under the broiling sun is a\u00a0nod to the golf course style that is fascism\u2019s highest\u00a0aesthetic.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>When you walk around Washington, D.C.,\u201d said Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins, one of the night\u2019s warmup acts, \u200b\u201c<\/span>not only is it safe again. It\u2019s beautiful again.\u201d As she spoke, a\u00a0line of black-clad snipers were clearly visible on the roof of the Agriculture Department headquarters across the street. Their rifles commanded the entire field of sweltering sod. These square blocks of our nation\u2019s capitol, from 12<\/span>th<\/sup> to 14<\/span>th<\/sup> street, have been made both safe and beautiful, simply by fencing them off, filling them with soldiers, and redesigning them as a\u00a0suburban lawn. First, these blocks, and next, the\u00a0world.<\/p>\n

You might already know the humiliating backstory of this entire event: first it was announced as a\u00a0big concert, and then the announced acts\u2009\u2014\u2009all the way down to Milli Vanilli and Bret Michaels\u2014pulled out in fear of public backlash, prompting a\u00a0petulant President Donald Trump to declare that he would \u200b\u201c<\/span>take the place of these highly paid, Third Rate \u200b\u2018<\/span>Artists,\u2019 and give a\u00a0major speech, rallying the Country forward.\u201d So the unlucky planners of the event were forced to cobble together a\u00a0show plausible enough to satisfy the president\u2019s ego, without the benefit of any actual\u00a0celebrities.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The resulting event leaned heavily on speeches by second-tier members of the cabinet and music from the Marine Corps band, giving it the air of a\u00a0boss who threw a\u00a0birthday party and required his employees to attend. To honor the total capture of America\u2019s institutions by cronyist incompetence, Alexis Wilkins, the country singer girlfriend of podcaster-turned-FBI Director Kash Patel, sung the national anthem. Christopher Macchio, a\u00a0Trumpian crooner, did a\u00a0cruise ship version of \u200b\u201c<\/span>Hallelujah.\u201d The military band sent up uniformed singers and guitar players for karaoke-level covers of \u200b\u201c<\/span>Gloria\u201d and \u200b\u201c<\/span>Walking on\u00a0Sunshine.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

The whole thing felt like a\u00a0show that might be inflicted upon a\u00a0desultory crowd of students at a\u00a0reform school, forced by their principal to listen to the hits of the past, with the threat of juvenile hall looming over anyone who made a\u00a0wisecrack.<\/p>\n

Who goes <\/em>to an event like this? One answer is \u200b\u201c<\/span>not many people.\u201d Despite the grandiosity of the occasion, the crowd did not even fill the Mall all the way from 14<\/span>th<\/sup> to 12<\/span>th<\/sup> street, meaning it was about one square block-and-a-half\u2019s worth of dead enders. Subtract the security forces and the prowling journalists and the temp workers in neon orange \u200b\u201c<\/span>EFFORT LLC\u201d shirts cursed to pick up trash, and what you were left with was a\u00a0meager mixture of lost young bros in golf shirts, doddering grandparents, tourist families in American flag apparel and church people. One of the latter leapt out at me as soon as I\u00a0entered.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>Has anyone ever told you that God loves you and has a\u00a0plan for your life?\u201d he asked me from close range. It struck me, somehow, as a\u00a0threat. This was not the sort of crowd that you want making plans for your life under any\u00a0circumstances.<\/p>\n

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Lee Greenwood, a\u00a0pickled husk of a\u00a0man, came out and sang \u200b\u201c<\/span>God Bless the USA\u201d in a\u00a0thin and reedy voice. My bus driver in elementary school played a\u00a0cassette version of that song every single day he drove us home in the 1980<\/span>s. Like the United States itself, it has aged poorly. Trump doddered out and began speaking in his weird declarative manner. His topic, as best I\u00a0could tell, is that America is good. His method, proven effective by time, is simply to restate this point over and over in different\u00a0words.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>Together, we\u2019re making it bigger and better and stronger, and far more exceptional than ever before,\u201d he proclaimed. \u200b\u201c<\/span>We have the greatest culture on\u00a0earth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Do we? People clapped, but I\u00a0feel comfortable saying that few people on the Mall yesterday have spent much time in deep, respectful study of all the other cultures of the world. \u200b\u201c<\/span>Nobody is laughing at us anymore!\u201d declared Trump, like a\u00a0school shooter explaining\u00a0himself.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>We banned the transgender MUTILIZATION of children,\u201d he said, to\u00a0cheers.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>We\u2019re taking power back from the far-off political class,\u201d he said, while standing just blocks from his home, the White House. Then, as he likes to do to test his audience\u2019s patience, he launched into meandering asides about the Grand Prix race he has planned for D.C., and the rodeo that is coming to the Mall and his various building projects around town. He told everyone about how he had fixed up a\u00a0fountain.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>That white marble is nice and\u00a0clean!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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As the speech went on, more and more of the crowd began to leave\u2009\u2014\u2009proving, I\u00a0guess, that even Trump\u2019s base has a\u00a0limit to their willingness to be suckered. It is tempting to scoff at the night as one more farcical step towards America\u2019s fate as the world\u2019s intellectual toilet bowl. But that would be a\u00a0bit too pat. There was menace here as well, the menace that fascism always ensures is at the forefront of the public\u00a0imagination.<\/p>\n

The night was punctuated by a\u00a0series of flyovers by military jets. First a\u00a0pair of F-16<\/span>s, screaming in from over the Washington monument and peeling off in separate directions; later, a\u00a0flat black stealth bomber flying low from the south. You could look up at its streaking, sawtoothed form and put yourself in the shoes of some poor people in some faraway dusty land for whom that was the last thing that they ever saw. A\u00a0couple of 2<\/span>,000<\/span>-pound bombs dropping from that plane could have wiped out just about all of us there, and the snipers on the roof could have mopped up the rest in a\u00a0minute or\u00a0two.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The transformation of America\u2019s anniversary into a\u00a0pompous show of force was not just a\u00a0reminder that everything we have we got at gunpoint. It was, equally, a\u00a0reminder from Donald Trump that he, for now, controls the guns. His supporters laughed and clapped as the fighter jets hit their impossibly loud afterburners overhead. They could not imagine being on the opposite side of this sort of military power. Such empathy is not a\u00a0part of America\u2019s culture\u2009\u2014\u2009the greatest culture in the\u00a0world.<\/p>\n

As he read our nation\u2019s achievements off the teleprompter in a\u00a0bored voice, there was one moment when Trump perked\u00a0up.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>We won two world wars. Defeated fascism and communism,\u201d he said. Then he interjected, \u200b\u201c<\/span>We\u2019re gonna have to do that again.\u201d When he\u2019s right, he\u2019s right. Even when he doesn\u2019t know\u00a0why.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Read more The Socialist Electoral Movement Is on the Move in New York City<\/a><\/p>\n

Happy anniversary, America. The worst is yet to\u00a0come.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trump\u2019s 250th American anniversary celebration was as pathetic as we deserve.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":167,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics"],"yoast_head":"\nFascists Don't Know How to Party - Summit Relocation Timess<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/summitrelocationtimess.com\/?p=168\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Fascists Don't Know How to Party - Summit Relocation Timess\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Trump\u2019s 250th American anniversary celebration was as pathetic as we deserve.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/summitrelocationtimess.com\/?p=168\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Summit Relocation Timess\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-25T20:42:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/?p=168#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/?p=168\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/78261b7043eb436872da19e7c8eda597\"},\"headline\":\"Fascists Don’t Know How to Party\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-25T20:42:21+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/?p=168\"},\"wordCount\":1489,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/?p=168#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/06\\\/d90d44741a8bb42beeaf74b71a492155.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Politics\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/?p=168#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/?p=168\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/summitrelocationtimess.com\\\/?p=168\",\"name\":\"Fascists Don't Know How to Party - 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